Looking for Colleges With Leah

 We've now spent a bit of time the last four months touring colleges with Leah. Either through official visits or swinging by the campus and walk through. And it's such a weird feeling on a few accounts. 

First, perspective for me is so different. When I was looking at colleges and making this decision, it was obviously a much different time, a different world, everything. Totally different. And looking back on what I used to decide on college was probably totally wrong. 40-something me would look at so many other things than the things I looked at then. 

Mostly, I wouldn't look so hard at the $$. Because regardless, that whole "how to pay for college" sucked and to a point it almost didn't matter what the price tag was. I was going to be applying for loans and repaying it into my 40s no matter what. 

What I should have paid attention to was the equipment and who could get me the job at the end of the four years in the field I thought I wanted to do. Experience and internships and alumni. 

But I didn't know any of that back then. 

Also, as the person NOT going to the college, I have to act as a consultant in this whole process. I'm the support. And I'm constantly trying to figure out the right phrasing of a question so it's clear I'm not LEADING the discussion but LISTENING and RESPONDING to what Leah is saying about her impression of the school. 

It's challenging. I'm the Mom so I just want to pick for her and tell her what to do, as I've been doing for her most of her whole life. But I can't do that. She has to own this process and this choice. Not me. 

So we visited, as a family and just me and Leah, a bunch of schools on her list. And we've had lots and lots of chats over the last year and maybe more about what kinds of school she'd envision for herself: rural vs. urban, small vs big, tradition vs. arts, far vs nearby. 

And as we get nearer to August, when applications open up, it seems to me she's getting clearer on what she wants and where she might be the happiest. 

But also, I've been an active participant in this touring of campus, from setting up hotels and Amtraks to Boston to car trips for the family to Penn State. I step aside, because now it's up to her to fill in her application, write the essay, gather the necessary information, etc. I move further back into a consultant role and she really has to drive this whole process. 

And as much as I want to do this all for her, it's not in my hands. It's a lot. And it's a slow trickle, but it's also feeling like a tidal wave is in slow motion coming for us. 

Just trying to document this for myself and how it's feeling and what I'm experiencing ... since I've got Alice coming in next and I have a tendency to quickly forget how it went the first time.