My Secret Wish

I blame it on my Instagram stream.

Here's my secret wish ... I want to be a homemaker.

Okay, and not the homemaker you're thinking. This one:


But maybe.

Because I do these things on weekends and spotty over the week, but I want to be dedicated. I want to master these things.
  • I want to make more food from scratch. Bread. Yogurt. Cheese. Ketchup. Granola bars. Cheese crackers. Tortillas! My heroes are those bloggers who do this. The cookbooks that they put out. I read them with awe. I try but I'm no where near where I want to be.
  • I dream about spending time preparing meals for my family ... now that the kids are older and we can just about enjoy the same food. And having the time to really plan and prepare. Soak beans and make the tortillas from scratch. Stuff like that.
  • I think half of what we buy around the house is because we didn't know we already owned it. Nothing is in the right place. We need to organize and get rid of things we don't need/use. And stop buying stuff we don't need/use.
  • There would be time to get in a workout a few times a week. I might be fit!
  • My veg garden was a total joke this summer. And my other beds in the landscape - laughable. I spent about 15 minutes total on landscape projects this summer. There's something I could dedicate my time and feed my family. 
  • I want to manage my family's budget down to the penny. I want to know where everything goes and save for big expenses.
  • I try my best to be involved with the school work and keep up with all the events at school. But I can't and I drown in the paperwork that comes home. I'd love to be more organized.
Most of these things I'm doing now, but they get small bits of my time and focus before I bounce to something else.

But maybe, I like doing them because I have to struggle to do them. And if it were easy, would I find other distractions?

And it's not likely to come to fruition anytime soon because, frankly, I'm too scared. I make a good salary and that allows me some degree of freedom to buy nice things for myself and my family. I'm putting money into a 401K plan so that someday I WILL retire and see most of these goals fulfilled, albeit in a much emptier house. Not to mention it's important for the girls to see me work -- to know it's an option for them. That they can "have it all" -- whatever that means.

So this continues to be my SECRET WISH and one that I can't even imagine working out.

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