What Ana Does

I've always wanted my kids to be readers. Reading is transformative and has always been a part of my life, and I really wanted that for my girls. So, following common parenting practice, I read to them every night of their childhoods -- up until they were in to chapter books. And I loved it. It was ritual and sharing and the best part of some of my days.  But, once left to their own desires, they did not read. And it was frustrating to me because I followed the equation: read to kids = kids are readers. Ugh.  Following more parenting advice, I offered MONEY for completing books. Reading is not an "intrinsic" habit and therefore needs to be pushed along with "extrinsic" rewards. According to this parenting expert, this isn't a "bribe" but a "reward" for building a positive habit.  Bribes are done at the point of pain (eg. "if you're good for the next five minutes, I'll give you a chocolate treat") and don't lead to go...

I struggled a lot with household chores for the kids, allowances and money. I read a few parenting books about allowances and listened to some parenting experts, hoping to land on something that felt right for my house and kids. ( Here's a book on that subject I didn't agree with. )  But with quarantine and everyone being HOME, I really had to find something that would work. Because if it was just ME AND DAVID putting away dishes every day, I was going to lose it.  For a few years, we've been working on this clipboard of chores, where I had listed chores and how much they paid out, but there was room to add and negotiate price. Alice got especially good a bartering. And I was good about paying immediately for awhile, but eventually we started to list "I Owe Yous" to the girls and it got a little meaningless. As you know, I'm not good with consistency.  But while home, we figured out if we added up the money on the chalkboard, we could keep track of what they w...

Now that my girls are school-aged and don't need me as much to stay alive , I'm in a constant see-saw of feeling like I'm not doing enough and like I'm doing way too much. When they were little, it was a constant stream of making sure they were fed, changed, clean, content, polite, active, rested, etc. Babies have a basic daily schedule that, over time, becomes more flexible. But now, that schedule is almost adult-ish, it revolves around school, meals and getting to bed on time. At the same time, I'm now in the business of raising adults, teaching them the basics of living, being independent and expecting more from yourself. But, at the same time, they're still kids and not great at some of the most basic domestic or life skills. Plus, I'm a stay-at-home-mom, so I have the ability to do their laundry, clean their rooms and wash up after them because it's what I do anyway. Thus, my constant battle. Today, I made them breakfast, but they made t...

While we were in Illinois this summer, Dave and I took a night away from the girls and stayed in a hotel in downtown Chicago. We had tickets to see Pearl Jam at Wrigley and just needed a little break from parenting. It's so important to date your husband, right? Marriage is tough. Anyway, it was a pretty awesome night away, with the concert and a delicious dinner without the banter or small kids, but we had been talking about getting tattoos together. Dave got his first tattoo last year after talking about getting one for years -- maybe a decade -- and had been thinking of expanding or getting another one. So we thought, maybe we should get one together, while in Chicago. We get a little crazy when left unsupervised. I woke up the morning before we drove down to Chicago with an idea. Originally, I thought about putting an inspirational quote or powerful word (such as "breath" or "be present"). But that morning I thought about putting our family initials some...

Ever since we moved to Paris, well, actually, since becoming a parent, I've wanted the girls to learn independence. And living in a city is a great way to extend more opportunities for them to be independent, especially when it comes to transportation. In a city, walking to places is simple and safe (mostly, those motorcycles are the worst!) and completely new to our daily life, coming from the suburbs. So, Leah gets herself to school and back. And Alice is walking home from ballet class on her own. (She begged to be allowed to do this, and I am so proud of her doing it.) Of course I made sure their street-crossing skills were good, understood the way home and all the stranger-danger stuff. Plus, Leah sometimes walks with a friend and lately she's been stopping for a chocolate croissant on the way home. It's absolutely great. It's these opportunities, to get themselves to and from places, that I can't give them in suburbia. But it's just the thing to ...

On Monday I dropped Leah off at the train station for her first week-long school field trip. This is the longest Leah's been away from me -- without an aunt following her around taking pictures and reporting back to me (which is what happened when she stayed at my sister's summer camp for a week). And while I was walking away from her, doing my best to keep my chin up, I had this nagging feeling that I'd forgotten something. Despite having packed her myself, using a long checklist of items provided by the school. I had forgotten her. In the middle of a huge Paris train station. Though, with her friends and teachers who will supervise the entire trip. It took me a minute to compose myself. It really did. This is her first real adventure away from us, as an independent person in the world. Independence is a trait I always wanted to encourage in my girls. But since I've been home with them, this trait has been tough to grow. When I'm always around, how inde...

I've found if we listen to music it the morning -- good music we can sing along to -- the mornings just flow much easier.  It may have something to do with music calming the savage soul. Or maybe it just keeps us from focusing on how sleepy we might be. We have an Amazon Echo in our kitchen for just such a task. When I get in there in the mornings, hit the lights, start my coffee and I say "Alexa, play the Morning playlist" and we start the day. Here's the current playlist (*changes frequently) Then Came the Morning by The Lone Bellow   -- This is just for me, really, as I'm usually the first in the kitchen.  Blackbird by the Beatles -- A super-chill song as the girls wander in searching for food (or a morning cuddle).   Mr. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra -- Famous to the girls for kicking off the second Guardians of the Galaxy film, this usually helps their eyes pop open.  Heavenly by Harry Connick Jr. -- Somehow, this song droppe...

Last, but not least, in this three-part Totes series is the jam-packed, summer-ready Mom Purse. I'm a big fan of having a few purses at the ready: a tiny one for just my wallet and phone, a medium sized bag for adult day trips when I don't have to pack like a Mom and a big Mom tote. And I like to switch based on the need for the day, when I can. Items very in each of the bags, but the Mom Tote is what I tend to use the most. It's slightly over-sized for a purse and I can jam whatever I need into it -- or out of it. Here's the rundown of what's usually inside: The Summer MOM TOTE Wallet, keys and iPhone, obviously Sunscreen Sunglasses for me and child-sized Notebook for to-do and grocery lists A little bag of Advil, lotion, lip balm and Altoids Tissues Felt pens in assorted colors, also a Sharpie and pen/pencils Hand sanitizer  iPads - mine and/or the kids' Book or Kindle or magazine S'Well Water Bottles, because they're friggin...

To continue the Tote project for the summer, let's tackle the Park and Tennis Totes. This summer, Leah is taking a Sunday tennis class at a nearby park. This gives Alice and I the perfect excuse to play outside for an hour. Here's the lowdown on the tote ... The Park Tote Park Tote This is the bag that will have a hundred things to do outside, so we don't get bored waiting for Leah and fall back at staring at our iPads. Sunscreen Hats Rain gear - jackets and umbrellas Picnic blanket Books Coloring books/paper Deck of cards  The kite I got on sale at Target two years ago And I'll toss in snacks like clementines and granola bars, and icy water bottles. Tennis Tote All this bag includes is our ... tennis rackets, one for everyone in the family new containers of balls larger practice balls water bottles and sunscreen so we can head to a park at a moments notice and practice Leah's new-found tennis skills. We'd likely bring along the P...

For a long time, I've been resistant about bringing my daughters to the gym with me. And it was an effective excuse for years. It just felt so selfish. I as putting myself before my babies. They were so little and I was a full-time working mom, wasn't it better to spend time with them and not on myself? But, geez, this is totally dumb logic. There are plenty of reasons adults need to be active and exercise. And taking care of yourself is NOT selfish. You can't pour from an empty cup. So all parents need to take time for themselves. Duh. We teach our kids about nutrition and making good choices about what to eat, so the gym is just an extension of that. It's a habit they will need to learn, too. Pay your grocer today or your doctor tomorrow is the adage for eating right, and it works the same if you replace grocer with gym. So ... this advice presupposes YOU love the gym, and you might not. But it's never too late to find an activity you can get passionate ab...

I KNOW it's only the end of July, but school starts here in one month, people, ONE MONTH. Eeep!! A Page From My Notebook: Holy Crap So, I'm starting to freak out a little at all the tasks that accompany this time of year. Wondering if I can get a jump on school supply shopping. And starting to wrap my head around all the decisions I'll need to make in the next four weeks. For example, what is Leah doing after school this year? Babysitter? Can she manage alone? Send her to after-care? When is Leah's soccer practices starting up again? Does Alice want to play soccer? When will we get the park district catalog of activities for this fall? Will there be a Saturday dance class for Alice? And, inevitably, I get to the question: How will we manage it all on top of Dave's work schedule? And finally, should I find a new part time job or stay at home to make this all work? The downward spiral continues . Deep breath ... the good news is there's one more ...

I'm convinced mischievous little elves go through my junk drawers every few months and scatters everything I had organized. The Craft Drawer! Yikes!

Just putting this here so I can read it in a few years ... and laugh. Morning started off as usual. Get dressed while Leah gets dressed. Leah insists on getting Molly, her American Girl Doll dressed, too. Alice doesn't want to get dressed, which is normal. Head downstairs for breakfast. The crockpot full of chicken bits that's been simmering all night to make chicken broth is ready to be put through a sieve and frozen for future use. Triumph! Make toast, open smoothie drinks and get everyone eating. Crisis: Alice's Netflix isn't working. I turn on the radio and let her pick a song. Crisis averted. I make my breakfast smoothie, pour out some of the broth through a sieve and pack Leah's lunch. While stowing lunch in backpack, and taking a cursory look to make sure math book is in there (as I asked her to do last night), I notice there is only one gym sneaker in there. She wasn't allowed to do a gym activity yesterday because she forgot her shoe ("it...

This Saturday we went to a party in downtown Chicago with work colleagues ... and no kids!! Sure, there was a fair amount of office gossip discussed, but it wasn't too bad. And there were a few spouses to chat with. And adult beverages. And no juice boxes. And lots of adult language. It had been awhile since I've been to a party and didn't see small kids running around. A nice change. And the view from his windows were pretty cool ... View of Chicago From the Condo Sometimes, being an adult is kinda nice! 

Alert! Alert! We're entering a transition month. Soccer and fall activities are ending. The days are shorter and colder. Winter coats are out, along with winter boots and all the hats/mittens/scarves I can find. And with all this change come a chance for me to gather goals for the winter months. - Wake up earlier. Leah is currently pulling me out of bed in the morning, being dressed and starving. It would help her out if I was actually getting out of bed myself. - Evening working outs. I did this once and now I'm not on the soccer field (being semi-active) three times a week, I need to find a weekly class or something to increase activity levels ... at a time of the year when I really just want to start hibernating. - Train the girls to do more stuff for themselves. Like picking up their after-school-snack wrappers. This should be subtitled, "I continue to nag my children" as that's what it feels like. - Back to weekly menu planning. Only one night a ...

Here's one for the scrapbook. It's Sunday afternoon and Leah's at a sleepover and all is quiet in Alice's room. I'm puttering around the house and Dave is watching football. I love quiet afternoons like this. Alice has been down a few times for supplies, including a coach pillow she needed to have in her room "forever." Later, I'm getting her ready for bed and finally enter her room. Here's what I find: Three pillows set-up with blanket "chairs" and a swatch of doll hair taped to each pillow. There are hair brushes on each pillow. The Barbie is set up on a "desk" ready for the demonstration of how to correctly brush hair. Nearby, three dolls now have much shorter hair. Is it wrong that I just laughed and laughed? Anyway, she quickly enrolls me in her hair brushing class, which I pass with flying colors -- I'm happy to add. Alice is an excellent instructor and shows me a few times the right technique. ...

Summer's over. The girls are back in school. The big whooshing sound you heard was my deep exhalation. Finally , we'll get back into some semblance of a schedule! Fourth Grade Says Ta-Ta First Grade Better Watch Out. She Was Pumped Up! ... until we blow it all by running away to Paris for a week. Worth it. 

About once a week Alice protests the world. Something, and it could be anything -- like unfair strawberry distribution at breakfast or being too rushed or not finding her favorite black sweater -- sets her off and the whole morning is thrown. She doesn't want to leave the house, doesn't want to get on the bus and certainly doesn't want to go to Kindergarten. This always surprises us because this kid has been going to day care every morning since infancy, so you'd think she'd be used to this. But no. Those long weekends confuse her and here we are, usually on Mondays. But, she likes to spring these on us. Just to keep us on our toes. The secret is to not lose your temper. Not think about missing the bus or my morning meeting. Keep upbeat. Distract her with plans for the evening. Games. Music. Yoga. Whatever. And bustle her out the door and to the bus stop. Yelling, arguing, logic or punishments just set you back. Her favorite form of protest these days is jus...

It was 1 degree when we woke up this morning and 8 degrees when we got to the bus stop. So yeah, they waited in the car for their (late) busses to arrive on their first day back from Winter Break. Waiting for the Bus  On a high note, the blisters on Alice's nose are healing. Yay!

I suppose I could hire a photographer to take professional photos of the kids -- throw them into a studio or something. But it seems like a waste of money for something I'd rather do myself. So, this weekend I set an "appointment" on Sunday morning to dress up the ladies and get them outside to gather pics for this year's holiday card. The thing I find funny is right now, the girls LOOK FORWARD to picture morning. Which is a complete 180 from my childhood when my Mom forced us into clothes, curled our hair like a mushroom (I have photographic evidence, though I'm sure I'm half to blame for that unfortunate hairstyle) and drove us kicking-and-screaming to a studio. But, then again, there was five of us. Two is a bit more manageable. And my girls are total hams in front of the camera. Here's five things you need to know about taking your own holiday card photo:  Take the photos outside in the early morning. Inside photos are usually too dull or grey. ...